A goodbye letter to 2018

To be honest it's kinda hard for me to write this blog post, as I pondered whether or not it was a good idea for me to do it or not... I was and I am still scared to be vulnerable and tell things I usually wouldn't tell or share. But I guess deep down I need to write this down and put it out there in the "universe".

2018, where do I even begin ? I think that this year was one of the hardest and most emotionally hurtful one I've had this far in 25 years of existence... I came back from South Korea in June 2017 and I think from there everything just started to crumble in front of my eyes, as I entered the year with a feeling of disappointment & sadness. I was sad to be back to a place I always wanted to escape, I knew that coming back meant that I had to stay when I didn't want to stay. Don't get it twisted, it is not from my family or my friends that I wanted to escape, but from my hometown this "comfort zone" where nothing grows & everything is still the same... Leaving South Korea, I left a part of me there a part of my life that I know I couldn't get back to or at least not soon enough. Coming back was sour, and made me sour and made the whole year sour.

In 2018 I had to say goodbye to people I thought were meant to stay longer than I thought in my life... I had to say goodbye to a person I thought I'd share my life with, and build something beautiful together, I had to say goodbye to someone I loved deep enough to want to tie my life with. I had to cut ties with people I thought as my friends. I learned that even those who you feed honey will spill poison to your face. You have to learn the hard way to not go back to what hurt you, not everyone you meet is invited to sit at your table. And if they do sit, and extend their welcome to the price of your own peace it is more than okay to kick them out of your life. That's what I did, and that's what I am going to keep on doing, because nothing is more valuable to me than my inner peace.

But 2018 wasn't all that bad I said goodbye to many things to make space for more beautiful things to come.

I learned that mental health was a thing and that it was okay, to seek help and to heal yourself. I had the chance to go visit my sister in Germany and meet my friend Burcu again, eat good food and spend memorable times together.

It was the year I became more spiritual in a sense where I understood that faith without religion is okay and that Rumi is the best remedy, on this long and hard spiritual journey.

In August I launched this blog and after so many years of saying I would do it, I finally did and I'm happy.

Also in September I moved to a different city, to finish my studies and this was the best decision I made this year. Because although my first year of master's was made awful by a series of unfortunate events and toxic people, this one truly changed my whole experience of university. I met incredible persons, with kind hearts that made me realize that Uni was not so bad but that people ruin your experience of it. And for them (the good people I met), and this last year of Master's degree I am thankful. I am also thankful for the friends that stood by me, and supported me through this difficult year, and made the road a little bit more enjoyable. Your kind words, the package you sent filled with love and chocolate, the meme you shared , our laughs our tears everything that brought me joy in dull moments, I want you to know that I am very thankful for you and what you did; and know that I love you.

I am saying goodbye to being depressed and anxious and negative and this time around I am welcoming this new year with a clean mind and a clean heart. You have to speak your blessings into existence to flourish and be blessed some more, and I believe that if you do good, good will come back to you. I am more than ever ready to seize and make the best of this year, and be happy and at peace, and mostly proud of how far I came.

I wish you all nothing but the best, may God bless this year to come with happiness, love, health, success and peace over everything. xoxo Raihane.Z